i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
