How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
