We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
