My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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