You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
