my phone needs a breathalizer
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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