She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
