Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
