take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
