First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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