youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
