....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
