NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
