its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
