my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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