I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
