he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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