he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
