I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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