Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
