u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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