OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
