He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
