Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize