I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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