took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
