She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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