you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
