when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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