she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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