would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
