There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
