oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
