the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
