I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So squirting runs in the family.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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