are you still at the devil's house?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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