Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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