I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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