I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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