He asked me if I "almost moaned"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
