just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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