he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
