your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
