im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
