I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
