Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
