I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
