i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
