so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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