I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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