Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dignity is for republicans.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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