Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
