i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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