I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
