don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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