So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
