We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
