So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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