I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
