its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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