Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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