the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
