We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
