probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Holy shit dude........stairs
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