Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
