How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
