i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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