don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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