I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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