i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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