this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
