Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're a waste of cheezeits
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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