Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
