I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
