you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
