Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
