i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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