remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
