Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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