dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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