hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize