Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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