I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
