also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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